To create and hold space for you to feel safe, supported and empowered as you develop mind, body and spirit wellness by building a powerful foundation of skills based in awareness, acceptance, discipline and accountability.
To be in relationship with and of service to you.
To help you gain clarity as you learn to shut out the noise and narrow your focus down to what’s truly important to you.
To help you identify your blind spots.
To help you map out a strategic plan of action designed to bring your dreams to fruition.
To walk with you as you manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Dreams are goals without a plan of action.
You have what you need. My desire is to help you identify and maximize your strengths and strategize a plan of action to help you overcome your challenges.
Coaching is not about telling you what to do. It’s not about making judgements on the actions you take. It is about holding space for you to get curious about who you are now versus who you want to be and supporting you as you define and move towards your personal life goals. It’s about asking pointed questions aimed at getting you to a clearer vision of where you want to be. It’s about helping you to clear away the cobwebs. Accountability and honesty with self are key. I want you to feel empowered, in charge and encouraged to embrace who you truly are and feel totally supported as you rely on your own resourcefulness and creativity as a means for mapping out your road to success.
Coaching is a powerfully dynamic conversation between a thought organizer (me) and a dream chaser (you). It is an intimate setting where you are free to think out loud about your hopes, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Coaching is a process designed to help you magnify your strongest assets and set a course of action to bring your inner glow to the surface; one actionable step at a time.
Coaching is not therapy, counseling, training, teaching, mentoring or consulting.
A coach is a space holder, a listener, an advocate for your success. Coaches are organized, curious about who you are at your core and eager to help you bring that person to the surface. Coaches are intentional in their questioning.
Focuses on exploring your depths. When we know ourselves deeply, we have a better understanding of why we want what we want.
Encourages vulnerability and self-curiosity, two trusted methods for better understanding oneself. Vulnerability is a gateway to change and growth.
Seeks to identify and draw out the naturally born talents each client already possess. You have what you need. My goal is to help you bring it to the surface.
Focuses on goal setting, accountability, self-esteem building and action based in your beliefs, not the beliefs of those around you.
Focuses on unpacking perfectionism as well as defining self-worth and success based on personal perception rather than society's. Perfection is amazing! It’s also slippery and changes on a dime based on society’s mood. I wanna know what you need to feel successful in your own life.
As we move through the coaching process, my primary focus will be to help you identify and strategize ways to remove or work around blind spots. We discuss your personal definition of success outside the confines of societal conditioning. We get very clear about your values and your core beliefs and with my support, you work to set a course of attainable actions that will move you toward your goals in a way that aligns with who you are at your core.
Number one on the list is always clarity. I want you to be very clear about what truly matters to you, what doesn’t and what you may still need to think about. Secondly, we touch on your core beliefs. I need both of us to have a firm grasp on what you believe about yourself, your capabilities and the world around you.
Finally, we begin a process of deep diving into your goals one by one. We look at these goals from a nonattached point of view. Of course, we all have an emotional attachment to our dreams (I would strongly question your motives if you didn’t!), however, it’s important to take an observer’s point of view when strategizing how and when to go about achieving them. By removing some of the emotional attachment, we are better able to prioritize. This creates space to build momentum as you work your way up from small goals to the big meaty ones.
Growing up, I always felt bad or wrong; for the way I thought, the way I felt, how I could never seem to control my emotions, for even existing. I was afraid of everyone and everything, myself included. I never felt like I measured up or like I truly mattered. I questioned every decision I made to a painful degree and I was trapped by fear. I carried that with me through early childhood, my adolescence and teen years, and all through adulthood. Gradually that fear turned into anger and I couldn’t seem to move past it. Whenever times got tough, which seemed to be a lot during those days, my go to emotion was anger, but underneath that? Incredible feelings of fear, insecurity and unworthiness. Every time things got rough, I reverted back to that little girl who either froze with fear, lashed out in anger or hid herself from the world.
Life has a way of forcing you to grow. A few years back, I went through some pretty big life changes. I began to realize much of the life I was living, many of the decisions I was making were based solely in fear and anger. I was impulsive, irrational, deceitful and I seriously lacked trust. For years, I thought I was a kind, polite and open person. I was none of those things. In actuality, I was afraid, angry and lonely. I viewed the world through eyes that, at every turn, saw people I could never measure up to. I was stunted. I was stuck and I didn’t know how to get unstuck. As a result, I isolated myself as often as I could. I may have been present physically, but emotionally, I was closed off. The circle I’d drawn around myself was small, tiny really. Actually about the size of a cheerio. How incredibly lonely.
I had to get some clarity. I knew I needed to make space to find out where, when and why I’d become this woman. I had to be curious about a subject I’d never had any interest in before; ME. I started talking to other women. I wanted to know if they felt the things I felt. If they had as much fear roiling around in their stomachs as I did. Were they struggling with connecting with other women? Did they suffer from low self esteem? Did they have major trust issues, not just romantically, but universally? And if so, what were they doing about it?
I went to therapy. I started reading articles online, self help books. You name it. I questioned my every move, every thought that floated through my head. Not in the way I had been before. This time, as much as I was able to, I did so without guilt, without shame and without judgment. I took a hard look at my responses to life. I got introspective about every negative feeling that came up. I started taking action.
In The Cocoon
First, it was the simple stuff. Eating better. Drinking more water. Brushing my teeth and washing my face before bed. MAKING my bed. Believe it or not, those things helped a lot in the beginning. I started surrounding myself with women who lived the way I wanted to live. I let myself be vulnerable with them. I let them love me, show me how to love myself. Seeking out women who have what you want and letting go of my ego long enough to learn from them has been absolutely paramount to my growth. If there's one piece of advice I can pass along to the next woman it is that you must find a tribe.
The biggest help? Being really honest with myself. All. The. Time. Asking myself the same question over and over and over again. What am I afraid of? When I’m jealous. When I’m in fear. When I’m procrastinating. When I’m judging someone. When I don’t want to get out of bed. When I don’t want to voice an opinion because I’m worried about what people think. I’m honest with myself about all of it. I don't judge myself and I. Just. Own it. And then I ask myself again where it’s coming from. Am I afraid I won't get something I think I deserve? Am I afraid I’m going to lose something I already have? What would the old Shay do? And once I figure that out, quite honestly, I do the exact opposite. It works out. I don't know how and I know enough now to know not to question it. It just works. And so I let it.
Life These Days
Life got good. Really good actually. Sometimes I can't fully take in how good it is. It's definitely not perfect. I still have moments of fear, I think being human means I’m pre-disposed to that, but these days I don’t let it run me. Progress. Today my life looks a lot like gratitude in motion. It looks like thankfulness. It looks like security. It looks like self love. It looks like giving back and passing along what I've learned. It looks like compassion, for myself and for the people still struggling. It looks like love.
I’ve learned that it isn’t just one particular thing that moves me closer to the woman I want to be. It is a whole suite of tools that keep me moving towards my goal. The more I learn about myself, the better I am able to make decisions based on actual fact rather than what I’m feeling. The more I learn about myself, the better I am able to do those “gut checks” that help me to determine whether a decision I am making is based in fear and anger. The more I learn about myself, the better I am able to see that life is not about the end goal, it is about the journey. It's about service. If I am not doing what I can to enjoy my journey and be of service to others, then what is all this for? I’ve learned that life is about focusing on the good, on what’s going well, on finding some sense of balance in my day. It’s about taking care of my mind, body and spirit daily.
I've been asked before if I could go back and change anything, would I. Absolutely. I wish I'd asked for help sooner. Walking the road of self discovery and personal growth can be challenging, but it's worth every hurdle. I wish I'd known sooner that it's a road that doesn't have to be walked alone. Having a support system in place, having someone to help you see your blind spots, someone to help you stay accountable has been a godsend for me. If I could give Shay from a few years ago advice it would be this: "it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to ask for help. You aren't alone and there are people who will understand. Reach your hand out girl. I promise there's someone on the other side who will grab on."